Bands that suck.

And unfortunately people think they don’t.

Every decade has its share of shit. And most of the bands that I’ll mention in this entry were born in the 90’s, and we still remember them because they’re fresh in our minds (shiver). I have to say it’s not their fault, well, not entirely their fault. People who like them or think these bands are even remotely close to being good have to be blamed as well. Sadly, decades are remembered for bad bands. A lot of people have the perception of the 80’s being the worst decade for music, that it was full of bad pop acts and one hit wonders. Well, ever heard of Punk? Or New Wave? Brit Pop? Have you ever stopped to realize that the bands that you fancy today are mainly influenced by bands that were born in the 80’s? Yes, the 80’s had a lot of crap in the mainstream popular side, but it had genius in the other, that by the way was often popular as well.
Now let’s move forward to the 90’s. Turns out grunge was a double-sided act. The good side is conformed by the original grunge bands, you may or may not like grunge but you can’t ignore their relevance in musical history. Hate the game, not the players. The evil side of grunge was its legacy. It left us an outstanding number of really bad bands all wanting to be Nirvana, Kurt, Pearl Jam and Eddie. And so the 90’s were marked by (again) bad pop, a pseudo-alternative genre to triumphantly culminate with Nü Metal (chill). Again, most people missed the scene. The 90’s are awesome, even though we’ve been trying too hard to erase them from our memories. The famous indie term was originally coined in the 80’s but popularized in the 90’s, so was college rock. The 90’s went on to produce musical geniuses that were discovered by hipsters early this decade.
With no further ado, here is the list of the bands that suck and people think they don’t.

Creed.
And anything that comes close to sounding like Pearl Jam or imitate Eddie Vedder’s voice in any form.
Telltale sign of sucking: Popularizing Christian rock.

Live.
Telltale sign of sucking: Just the fact of being labeled “alt rock” is bad enough for them and any other band like them.

Counting Crows.
A professor I had in College, who by the way was a musical connoisseur, adored the Counting Crows and spoke of them as the unappreciated genius act of 90’s American music. I looked for something that might hint to that in their music and never found it.
Telltale sign of sucking: Everything that’s not Colorblind or Round Here. And every time someone sings Mr. Jones at a karaoke bar.

Korn.
There’s so many wrong things with Korn I don’t even know where to begin. The fact that they created Nü metal might not be worse than creating a long line of “poser” bands that pretended to be “hardcore” and then dated Britney Spears (which with time turned out to be pretty hardcore.)
Telltale sign of sucking: They spawned bands like Limp Bizkit and Linkin’ Park, and we can thank them for Nü Metal.

Limp Bizkit.
Tell-tale of sucking: See “Korn”

Linkin Park.
Telltale sign of sucking: See “Limp Bizkit”

Sum 41, Blink 182… and everything that sounds like them. And they all sound the same.
This is the part to say “who the fuck invented the term alternative?” Whoever tried to find a place in the world for bands like these.
Telltale sign of sucking: They make a joke out of their music and then they sound so cheesy when they want to go serious. If you’re going to make a joke be like Ween.

Bon Jovi.
Do you remember singing “Blood on Blood” from the top of your lungs when you were young? I do. Wasn’t it cool? No, it never was. But it felt like it.
Bon Jovi is the quintessential “I thought they were good back then” band. It’s like a robber entering your house at night, he opens the window silently and then triggers the alarm when he’s about to take your TV. Sadly, some people don’t have good alarm sytems and Bon Jovi has even stolen their refrigerator.
Telltale sign of sucking: The creation and later exploitation of the “rock-mantic ballad”, i.e. “Bed of Roses”, “I’ll be there for you”, “Always” and the list can go on.

My Chemical Romance / The Offspring.
Too much attitude, very little to offer. Back in the day I thought of the Offspring when I thought of Green Day. They were contemporaries and maybe, maybe shared some of their sound. But I was so wrong (thankfully), Green Day turned out to be good, The Offspring turned out to be a bad joke. My Chemical Romance shares the same problem, we can’t take music so generic seriously.

Spin Doctors.
No comments.
Telltale sign of sucking: Wrote “Two Princess”

Hootie and The Blowfish.
I was shocked to learn that Darius Rucker (former lead vocal of Hootie. Hell, he is Hootie) is now at the top of the country charts. HATB is the perfect example of a band that was so bad it could not even be redeemed by its commercial success.
Telltale sign of sucking: Rucker’s push-cause-I’m-running-out-of-breath singing style. And he’s consequential career in country music. Yuck.

Matchbox 20, Barenaked Ladies, Lifehouse, Goo Goo Dolls.
Is this Creed? No. Exactly.
Thanks to these bands the 90’s can be seen as darker than Medieval ages. They had no contribution to music whatsoever. They made lame songs with lame lyrics played by lame people to lame people. God, the 90’s could have been so lame. Well, they were to a lot of people.
Telltale sign of sucking: You can’t tell from one band and the other.

Bonus mention: Phil Collins (and for that purpose Genenis post Peter Gabriel). Phil Collins playing the drums. Phil Collins singing. Phil Collins acting.